Wondering how Morii came to be? It's easy for me to point to the very moment it happened but when I truly take the time to realize how it all came to be, I'm completely overwhelmed by God's faithfulness in it and His timing for this journey. So let's just take a little walk together, shall we? For as long as I can remember, I've always had a love of creating things. To be able to take a vision from just that and turn it into a reality is just so beautiful to me. I love party planning, crafting, interior design, arranging florals..you get the idea. Love it. Always have, hopefully always will!
But something happened somewhere along the way. When my husband and I learned that we would be needing medical intervention to become pregnant, part of me kind of died. Did I still do all the creative things? Yes. But to be completely honest, I wasn't really in it. I used it to hide my darkest feelings. I specifically remembering going through a short phase where I subconsciously overcompensated through my emotions. We had been brought to a new church and got connected really quickly. I have goosebumps right now as I'm sitting here telling you this because it's just so evident how God had orchestrated our every move for so long to get us to this very point. Anyway, little shy, don't reach out or talk to anybody Kayla decided one day to invite a bunch of new friends over for a girl's night. Little did I know, many would show up...and seriously become like sisters in an instant. I'm totally the keep quiet, listen to everyone else and not spill too much kind of person. But God put me in that spot in my living room, on that very night, with those chosen ladies and did His work. I learned that TWO of them were dealing with infertility just like I was and that one of them was literally in the exact same spot I was in my treatment plan. Yall don't know- -unless you know. As those girls were leaving that night, we stood on my front porch and hugged and cried and I knew right then God had brought me my people.
As time, and treatment, and dr. appointments, and unanswered prayers went on, we reached a point where some of my very dear friends were getting their heart's desires. A very large part of me was absolutely thrilled for them, but there was a little part in there that was ugly. That was hurt. Confused. I so badly wanted to FULLY rejoice for them...but I couldn't. I read all the books. Did all the bible studies. Had worship songs and scripture on repeat in my head but I just couldn't feel that release. In comes that subconscious overcompensation I was telling you about. I tried so hard to be that friend for them. I planned [and attended] their showers, decorated to a T, made all the homemade goodies, and bought all the sweetest little baby items. Like, hello!? Kayla, it's totally cool to take a step back and allow yourself some grief here. Nope. I did it all with a smile on my face only to come home and cry like a baby.
It wasn't until I was getting my daughter's nursery ready that I found that true, honest joy in creating again. That...oh, man. That was something so special to me. I began picking up my camera and pretty much haven't stopped since.
Over the last few months, I had felt this overwhelming, also really scary and earth shattering feeling that something was happening inside me again. Much like how I felt when I felt the need to do all the things baby related when all I wanted was a baby...and it wan't happening. At first I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or something I needed to be worried about. Again, bible studies, quiet time, long walks-but I just couldn't shake it. Thankfully, again, God orchestrated it just perfectly for me and placed my mother-in-law in the line of fire. She was feeling the very same feelings I was. We were both searching for our purpose. What talents and passions had God given us that we He wanted us to pursue? In that time, I had been boldly praying for a clear direction. I needed it to be spelled out for me. I had tons of thoughts on what I might want to do, all in the fitness industry. It wasn't until my husband, who has NEVER in 13 years said anything like this, said to me "You could totally do photography!" I honestly just let it slide right on by me when he said it. That night as I was laying in bed, that fleeting moment crossed my mind but again, I rejected it. That night I had this wildly vivid dream about me living this life. I woke up, prayed about it, told my husband...and have been all in from that moment on! I am so excited to continue pursuing my passion of photography and can't wait to share my plans and vision for Morii with all of you!
Oh, and by the way, between the three of us who were crying on my porch that night, there are now SEVEN kids! Two by IVF, three by Clomid and 2 by adoption. If you are in the thick of all that in this moment, know that God is writing your story right now, even if you can't see it! You have a friend and prayer warrior in me!
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peace and love,